Communication

Communication Model Exercise

Quick Checklist After A Train Wreck of a Communication…

Okay, you have experienced a miscommunication. Quick! Go through this checklist to try to determine what went wrong!

 

Sender

Did the wrong person send the message?

Message

Was the message unclear? Were there too many messages?

Channel

Was the most appropriate channel chosen i.e. verbal, written, email, telephone, in-person meeting?

Receiver

Do you know for a fact that the message was received — how do you know? Is it possible that the message did not take into account the ‘receptivity’ of the person(s) to whom you were sending the message? Could it have been received by the wrong person and then re-communicated to the right person?

Feedback

Have you received feedback from the person with whom you communicated? Was their feedback clear enough for you to know if it was understood?

Noise

Could ambient sounds (noise in your environment i.e. dogs barking, text alarms etc) or your own internal chatter (i.e. thinking about something else) also known as “noise” have distorted the message for you as the sender or for your receiver?

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Communication

Dear John Exercise

Dear John Exercise An Exercise in Conscious Communication Non-verbal communication is arguably the most important component of a communication, whether that communication is verbal or written.  What makes it problematic is that it cannot be seen, and it can only be approximated by tone, gestures, punctuation, or descriptive language.  It is what makes communication imperfect.  […]

Example of Family Conflict

When we hear the word argument we think a disagreement between two or more parties with an end result of one person being “right” and the other person being, obviously, “wrong”. An argument is not necessarily meant to attack or criticize anyone, rather to support a person or people’s view on a specific subject. In short, […]

Games Families Play

Have you wondered why sometimes when talking to your family what you meant to say gets lost? Or that people do not react as you thought they would? This segment briefly explains many of the aspects that contribute to communication and its varied factors. Also includes a Slideshare presentation defines each game, gives examples of how it can be used in a family and tips to stop ‘playing’ the game.

Communication Model Exercise

Are you sometimes unsure how you ended up in a miscommunication with someone? Do you often wish you could understand when things went awry? This exercise asks you to think of a disagreement or miscommunication with someone and provides you with prompts to see exactly where things fell apart’.

Games Families Play

Our family is the source of much of who we become as adults.  Much of what we learn in our families is good and wholesome and creates an important foundation for how we will form lasting relationships with other people in our lives.  Unfortunately our families also are the genesis of patterns that may not be productive or helpful in our later lives.  As adult children we often play a kind of ‘game’ with our parents and our siblings – the origins of these ‘games’ are often patterns we began in our childhood that we extend into our adulthood.  We would like to focus on three such ‘games’ in this section:  Stereotyping, Scapegoating and Drama Triangles.  We will briefly describe these ‘games’ in this section, but if you would like to know more detail about how each of them play out, we invite you to look them up on our website.

Stereotyping has a lot to do with the ‘roles’ we played in our families when we were growing up.  Examples of these roles include ‘good girl/bad girl’, ‘good boy/bad boy’, ‘screw-up’, ‘spoiled brat’, ‘baby’, ‘geek’, and so on.  Often these ‘roles’ will ‘stick’ so that when events occur when we are adults we are perceived through the ‘lens’ of this stereotype.

Scapegoating often begins as stereotyping but it goes a step further to our blaming someone over and over again for circumstances that may or may not have been caused or even related to them, because of how they were once viewed in the family.

A drama triangle is also related to ‘roles’ that we play in our family.  The roles in a triangle are often rescuer, persecutor and victim.  Rather than speaking directly or conflicting directly with another person, a game ensues where a third party is invited into a conversation that probably should have been a direct conversation between two people.  When that happens people often assume the role of victim, persecutor or rescuer.

Learn more in this slideshow:

 

More
Communication

Dear John Exercise

Dear John Exercise An Exercise in Conscious Communication Non-verbal communication is arguably the most important component of a communication, whether that communication is verbal or written.  What makes it problematic is that it cannot be seen, and it can only be approximated by tone, gestures, punctuation, or descriptive language.  It is what makes communication imperfect.  […]

Example of Family Conflict

When we hear the word argument we think a disagreement between two or more parties with an end result of one person being “right” and the other person being, obviously, “wrong”. An argument is not necessarily meant to attack or criticize anyone, rather to support a person or people’s view on a specific subject. In short, […]

Games Families Play

Have you wondered why sometimes when talking to your family what you meant to say gets lost? Or that people do not react as you thought they would? This segment briefly explains many of the aspects that contribute to communication and its varied factors. Also includes a Slideshare presentation defines each game, gives examples of how it can be used in a family and tips to stop ‘playing’ the game.

Communication Model Exercise

Are you sometimes unsure how you ended up in a miscommunication with someone? Do you often wish you could understand when things went awry? This exercise asks you to think of a disagreement or miscommunication with someone and provides you with prompts to see exactly where things fell apart’.

Example of Family Conflict

When we hear the word argument we think a disagreement between two or more parties with an end result of one person being “right” and the other person being, obviously, “wrong”. An argument is not necessarily meant to attack or criticize anyone, rather to support a person or people’s view on a specific subject. In short, it is another perspective brought to the table. Consider a disagreement in the Jones family: Mr. Jones, the father, comes home to tell his three daughters about this amazing game of golf he played today with Mr. Matthews.

Mr. Jones: “Shot under 70, best game of the whole year, and I also found out a way that Mr. Matthews has saved a lot of money with his kids and grandkids – prenuptial agreements. After my outstanding game we had a couple drinks and he actually discussed in specifics how much time, money and heartache prenuptials have saved him over the last two generations of children and I think I am going to institute such a policy for our family.” After this announcement he leaves to get cleaned up and his daughters, understandably shocked, begin to bicker between themselves…

After this announcement he leaves to get cleaned up and his daughters, understandably shocked, begin to bicker between themselves…

The eldest daughter (Jenna) who has been married for 15 years starts, “Well, the Matthew’s have their own set of problems that I am sure prenuptials do not even begin to address. My husband I have been getting on for many years and plan to do so without such an arrangement. I don’t know why Dad would spring this on us out of the blue. If you are smart about picking a partner, you don’t need all of that foolishness.”

The youngest daughter (Bridget) who is completely unattached romantically, “I think this decision makes great sense, Jenna. I mean, it’s not just you and your relationship Dad is talking about. He is talking about us too and our kids. Can you imagine the amount of exposure you are allowing our family to take just because you believe that you and Steve are ‘getting on’? Who knows what tomorrow will hold for you all if last night is any indication.”

The middle daughter (Emily) who is currently engaged and nearly in tears exasperatedly shouts, “Good idea or not and for whatever reason is completely unfair to me! How do you think Carl is going to feel!?! After 6 years of dating and just getting engaged 2 months ago, he is going to think I don’t love or trust him. This could end my relationship!”

How does a family resolve what is clearly on its way to becoming a conflict within the family?

One strategy is to reframe the conflict into a question to be answered or a problem to be solved in the best interests of the entire family. Clearly this family needs information and a forum to discuss the information in order to make an informed decision.

So the conversation changes

 

From

“Our family should have prenuptial agreements for protection. Also, Dad thinks it is a good idea.”

To

“A lot of family businesses use prenuptial agreements as a best practice. Prenuptial agreements can provide protections and safeguards to prevent issues with wealth transitions before they start. What else would support or counter this decision? Where else should we go to get information to weigh in? Does the tool of a a prenuptial agreement fit for our family’s values and traditions? Should we think about adopting a prenuptial agreement policy for our family?”

View this as a Prezi, below:

More
Communication

Dear John Exercise

Dear John Exercise An Exercise in Conscious Communication Non-verbal communication is arguably the most important component of a communication, whether that communication is verbal or written.  What makes it problematic is that it cannot be seen, and it can only be approximated by tone, gestures, punctuation, or descriptive language.  It is what makes communication imperfect.  […]

Example of Family Conflict

When we hear the word argument we think a disagreement between two or more parties with an end result of one person being “right” and the other person being, obviously, “wrong”. An argument is not necessarily meant to attack or criticize anyone, rather to support a person or people’s view on a specific subject. In short, […]

Games Families Play

Have you wondered why sometimes when talking to your family what you meant to say gets lost? Or that people do not react as you thought they would? This segment briefly explains many of the aspects that contribute to communication and its varied factors. Also includes a Slideshare presentation defines each game, gives examples of how it can be used in a family and tips to stop ‘playing’ the game.

Communication Model Exercise

Are you sometimes unsure how you ended up in a miscommunication with someone? Do you often wish you could understand when things went awry? This exercise asks you to think of a disagreement or miscommunication with someone and provides you with prompts to see exactly where things fell apart’.

Dear John Exercise

Dear John Exercise

An Exercise in Conscious Communication

Non-verbal communication is arguably the most important component of a communication, whether that communication is verbal or written.  What makes it problematic is that it cannot be seen, and it can only be approximated by tone, gestures, punctuation, or descriptive language.  It is what makes communication imperfect.  Here is an exercise that perfectly demonstrates that imperfection by using the tool of punctuation.  Whether the passage below is expressed verbally or sent as a written communication, not paying attention to the punctuation can cause untold consequences.  This is a fun exercise to do with your family – it will demonstrate how we must be very intentional and careful in our communication with our family, particularly when the subject matter is emotional.

Directions

Take a few moments to punctuate the letter below in a way that is a positive communication and then punctuate it in its next iteration as a negative communication.

 

Positive Communication:

dear john i want a man who knows what love is all about you are generous kind thoughtful people who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior you have ruined me for other men i yearn for you i have no feeling whatsoever when we are apart i can be forever happy will you let me be yours gloria

 

 

Negative Communication:

dear john i want a man who knows what love is all about you are generous kind thoughtful people who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior you have ruined me for other men i yearn for you i have no feeling whatsoever when we are apart i can be forever happy will you let me be yours gloria

 

 

 

More
Communication

Dear John Exercise

Dear John Exercise An Exercise in Conscious Communication Non-verbal communication is arguably the most important component of a communication, whether that communication is verbal or written.  What makes it problematic is that it cannot be seen, and it can only be approximated by tone, gestures, punctuation, or descriptive language.  It is what makes communication imperfect.  […]

Example of Family Conflict

When we hear the word argument we think a disagreement between two or more parties with an end result of one person being “right” and the other person being, obviously, “wrong”. An argument is not necessarily meant to attack or criticize anyone, rather to support a person or people’s view on a specific subject. In short, […]

Games Families Play

Have you wondered why sometimes when talking to your family what you meant to say gets lost? Or that people do not react as you thought they would? This segment briefly explains many of the aspects that contribute to communication and its varied factors. Also includes a Slideshare presentation defines each game, gives examples of how it can be used in a family and tips to stop ‘playing’ the game.

Communication Model Exercise

Are you sometimes unsure how you ended up in a miscommunication with someone? Do you often wish you could understand when things went awry? This exercise asks you to think of a disagreement or miscommunication with someone and provides you with prompts to see exactly where things fell apart’.